I have never written a journal entry on here, and everyday I am alerted with at least 3 or 4. It's starting to make me feel abnormal. The only reason I haven't done so yet is because I have my own personal blog...but I've been lax in updating it. One of my resolutions was to jot down topics I'd eventually like to blog about; things I noticed that day, thoughts I had, people I met. However, I hardly ever do. This saddens me. Another resolution was to blog at least once a week. ...so much for that. And, this may only be my blind perspective, but I feel as if I've gotten more work senior year than I've gotten any year of high school. I may just be choosing to believe this, it may be making me feel better about how lax I am. I have a research paper due tomorrow that I have yet to even begin, yet as I'm saying this I'm typing away into a journal entry on some website that I really only know a few people in real life on. And why, you ask? The magnificent world of procrastination hits again. I had some thoughts last night that I do feel like expressing myself about, though.

Do you ever feel a magnetic pull to someone? Like, you don't even know why but you just need to know more, you need to be involved in this person's life. There's only a few people in my life that I can say I was honestly drawn to, and those individuals would be some of my closest friends. Yet, so many people seem drawn to me...and I never share it. I never...return it. And trust me, when I say they're drawn to me, it's bad. It almost gets on my nerves. Almost. It makes me wonder "do I come off that annoying when I try to get close to people?" And I see people like this day after day, people who act this way toward everyone, clinging to them, itching to delve deeper into who they are and to create an emotional and personal connection with them, even though this feeling is not returned. I just don't understand how people can be drawn to those who share no interest in them. It just makes no sense to me and frustrates me and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel like maybe I act as if I share their magnetic pull, but in all actuality, I really don't. I feel like a distant person, yet everyone thinks I'm so ...grounded. I wish people saw me for who I really am instead of who they'd like to believe I am.

We got the sheets for superlatives today. A lot of the students in my class put me down for Best Personality. I feel like that should've been a compliment that sent me soaring, you know? Like, "Wow, these people think so highly of me. That's pretty freakin' awesome!" Instead, my thoughts were casted over the list, thinking of who to put next, and ignoring that my name soared through the classroom. I don't know why. I don't know why I didn't care.

Happy Ash Wednesday.